Imposter syndrome, and how to stop comparing yourself to others

Recently a young man came to me looking for help with a mindset block around imposter syndrome.

I LOVE helping people with this shit.

Funny story: this person (no lie) made $12.5 MILLION in a single deal in 2020 by taking advantage of an opportunity during the pandemic…

And then felt "lost and confused" for a year straight.

They had an internal script that was driving their money-making…

It was all about proving that they weren’t a failure to their father.

Once that purpose was achieved…

That internal script de-activated - thus the feeling of "lost and confused."

Anyways…

Fascinating stuff, right?

Today I want to chat with you about imposter syndrome.

Feeling like a fraud… and comparing yourself to other copywriters you see on Facebook posting about their awesome results and money numbers.

Does seeing these FB posts trigger you into feeling "less than" in worth and ability… and then do you overcompensate with a compulsive urge to try harder and to make more money?

Welcome to being human, my friend.

Yes, this happened to me as well… near the end of last year.

I had to do some mindset work on it, and the trigger is gone - now, I see these posts as normal and don’t feel a thing. It’s nice.

Today, I want to show you a little bit on how you can unwire this trigger a little bit on your own.

The first thing to know about mindset work is that everything comes from your childhood.

Nearly every thought, every emotional pattern, every internal "script" you’re running.

So what are some childhood memories or patterns that may have wired this "comparing yourself to FB posts" script in you?

Let me kinda blow your mind with this next statement…

The way you "measure" or "compare" yourself in your mind is the way your parents "measured" or "compared" you in your past.

For example…

I had one student where their parents constantly measured them by how "productive" they were.

Another female student of mine was constantly judged by her parents on her appearance (many girls are judged by their parents based on their body and their weight… this is what leads to eating disorders and body dysmorphia).

I personally was judged by my parents most on my GRADES. Thus I learned to judge and compare myself to others based on achievement and skill level in my copywriting career.

Everyone was judged by their parents in one way or another.

So let me ask you…

What CATEGORY in life or what QUALITY did your parents judge YOU the most on?

This is most likely what you judge YOURSELF on the most, day after day.

You basically hear your parent’s words in your head - that’s that internal scripting.

This leads to unhealthy habits and mindset blocks in that area of your life.

I’ll give you a moment to digest that whole block hahahahahaha

…

I can hear and feel the minds being blown across the internet as I type this hahahahaha.

Okay, so what do you do about this?

The next core principle to Ning Mindset Work is this:

To unwire a mental script, you must talk to your inner child.

This means closing your eyes, envisioning a younger version of yourself (between 5 and 18 years old) in front of you, and speaking to him / her.

You must talk to him / her about whatever issue your mindset block is about.

And you must talk to them in a completely different way from what you’re used to.

This is the hard part.

In short, you have to give your inner child the love, validation, forgiveness, or acceptance that your parents never gave you around this issue.

Again, this is super hard to figure out on your own…

Which is why in my coaching, I dive into your past, figure out your exact script, and then DO THIS PART FOR YOU.

I literally tell you to envision your inner child and then give you the exact words to use.

But I know not everyone can afford Ning 1-on-1 coaching…

So I’ll try to give you the framework for you to use yourself as much as possible here.

Again, this exercise involves you closing your eyes and speaking to your inner child.

When you talk to your inner child… accept and love the part of him/her that was "unacceptable" to your parents when you were growing up.

The language can sound somewhat like this:

Ning, I love you and accept you even if you get a B. You don’t have to get straight A’s for me to love you and be proud of you. I know that mom and dad compared you to Michael Schachter when it came to your grades… but they did that because of their own issues - it’s not necessarily the healthiest thing for us to do now. You don’t have to compare yourself to Michael Schachter anymore.

John, I know mom criticized you and pressured you to be perfect in ___________ way, and this makes you feel ashamed, worthless, and small. It makes sense that you think and feel this way. You learned this from [XYZ memory]. But I want you to know, you don’t have to be perfect in _______ way anymore. You don’t have to compare yourself to others in ________ way like mom and dad taught you to anymore. And I love you, accept you, and support you even if you’re ________ (<--- whatever was "unacceptable" to mom and dad growing up)

The first example above is some of the language I had to use to remove the mindset block I had…

The second one loosely follows a template developed by Brent Charleton, who’s a legend in this field and started me down this path of inner work.

Try this exercise out for yourself.

Maybe have some tissues handy (just in case) ;)

Congratulations…

You have just started your journey down the path of "inner work" and looking into your own internal scripts.

Believe it or not…

At the Mike Geary mastermind in Utah, shit like this is all people talked about.

We’re talking 20 millionaires in a room, and the main topics were:

Business, offers, and money-making
Mushrooms
Inner work / childhood scripts
(and a little bit of crypto, lol)

Because guess what…

You making a shitload of money doesn’t fix any of your inner gunk.

A lot of that inner gunk is PREVENTING you from making a shitload of money (it was sabotaging my income for sure…)

And even if you DO make a shitload of money, this inner gunk PREVENTS you from actually even enjoying it! (Like some of the examples you see above...)

What a mind-fvck that is.

So anyways…

Consider this a gentle nudge to push you in the direction of a healthier, happier life…

A bigger, more bloated income…

And a continued beautiful learning journey we are on together on this planet.